I have one or two of these a year. Usually they're anxiety dreams about not having spoken to my mum enough, and I dream something has happened to her, and it makes me pick up the phone immediately. to check on her. They're my brain's way of telling me that I've been too self-absorbed and that I need to connect with the people that matter most to me. Because my mum and I only have one another, I think this is mild only-child-of-a-single-parent woe.
This dream was different. It was about my ex, and it told me very clearly that the door to our connection was closing, and that my mind and body are re-assessing his influence in my life. I've been inside that process for nearly a year and a half, more "officially" for a year, but after seeing a photo I hadn't meant to see, making it very clear that he had moved on and is in another relationship, my brain started doing calculations in the background about what that meant for me. Maybe this weekend's full moon just made sure I'd caught myself up.
The truth is that I've also moved on, and moved very far away from our life together. I've dated others this year, sure, but mostly I've been working on making personal choices I know my older self will look back on and be proud of, after a heartbreaking rupture last spring made me question so many of the choices I had made over the past six years.
Apparently we're all feeling the effects this weekend of a giant harvest moon timed, unusually, with a lunar eclipse. Our watery bodies are supposedly affected by the push and pull of the moon and this is a time of re-setting the emotional dial. Here's the forecast for all of us from foreverconscious.com
This Eclipse may stir up some painful moments or some fears, but know that this is all so you can grow and flourish in the direction that you need to.
So I wrote a song about it (It's pretty terrible, but it'll be good to sing, in a somewhat PJ Harvey sermonising-style). My co-band member even wrote music for it already. Here goes.
Harvest MoonYou got me looking like a foolHarvest MoonI wake crying salty tearsBig rushing tidal fearsAll alone in a stolid roomEmotion pushing through the gloomAll out of sorts, in my bedI can't seem to find my headMy soul as heavy as deadened leadI miss all the things you never saidOh, Harvest Moon, you got me looking like a fool